29 was good enough.

Is this the part where I tell you that if you’re reading this, then I didn’t make it to my next birthday? It will just be a repetition of the first statement, but isn’t that what life is? — a cipher? Recycling a set of routines over and over until the grim reaper appears. We perhaps only have a different explanation for each cycle.

I’ve always wanted to play ‘god’. To be the center of a creation. To play hero and villain. To create alternate realities. I don’t think my reality is better or worse, it’s just the curiosity of experiencing God’s social experiment — this thing we call life; to its fullest.

I imagine God as an author writing a story. There is no good or bad in his plot, it’s just a story after all. However, the characters would seem to experience some good fortune or ill fate as they deem to interpret it. So, what if God kills off a character in his script? To him, it’s just another twist. The killed character however has been written to have a daughter, who now believes that she’s having a bad experience from losing her father. But there’s no use getting mad at the author; it’s his story.

I think we’re all just looking for meaning at the end of it. That’s what your pastor is trying to tell you. Your life coach, your shrink, your career advisor; this is what they’re all saying. Your parents are looking for meaning too, but they can’t burden you with that. It’s easier when you realize this story being told is not about you, but for the writer's pleasure. You are at best privileged to be part of an experiment. It is such that even when you are the protagonist, the story is still not about you.

A few people put it in my head that by the time I’m about this age I would have done something extraordinary. Something to be remembered by. I seemed to be one of those young people who give out that vibe — that Zuckerberg vibe. I admit it feels good for people to think of you this way, but worse if you don’t ever become any of these things they prophesy. It becomes your fault, laziness, loss of focus, and procrastination. You might do quite well for yourself, but beneath your successes and achievements, there’ll be that sore longing for a crowd rouser; that cherry on top, that dodo on your jollof rice, that ‘eventually’, that ‘we always knew it’.

Recently, I realized that their predictions are not all too valid, because they’re not the ones writing the story. I’m happy with the idea that I might never create a masterpiece, but I’ve decided that I’ll try to become a master of pieces. Thirty years is a lot of time and of all the realities I’ve created, this one that carries my actual existence is easily my favorite.

I’ve had lots of failures and setbacks. Those times I didn’t get the job or admission. That time I failed that course. Those businesses that never took off. That time the girl said no. That time I couldn’t pay my school fees. That ‘We are sorry, but…’

I’ve had many successes too. Like when she said, ‘I’ll think about it’. That very good interview; the one where I got the job. When that book was published. When over a hundred people cited that research. That time I didn’t burn the jollof rice.

29 years was enough, but I must admit, I would rather it be longer. Long enough to abandon the ways of a 29-year-old and learn those of a 30-year-old.

29 was good enough, and now, it isn’t.